Just got some cellreception again!  I don't know what I'm doing here. *Heads off into the snow*

Currently here. Starting my first full day of walking now. I won't have cell reception or come across towns for two weeks. I'll only see snow and rock as I'm traversing this frozen plateau at high altitude. Today I woke up feeling really sad. I wish I could come home after this and grab a drink with a friend and tell them about my travels. Social isolation is really hard. I still think about suicide a lot. I'm glad I have some friend to talk with on the internet though. When I get home I'm going to fix my life. Maybe I should get some professional help too, I don't think it's normal to feel like this. I'm anxious about the journey ahead, it's really wild. Hopefully I'll have some nice pictures to share in my next blogpost.. probably in two weeks. Bye.

My first night back home (In the Arctic, polar bear home)

The locals told me that there is still too much snow in the mountains. But I don't care. They obviously didn't know I was a polar bear.

I'm heading into remote country now for 2 months. 

I feel happy now. 

I don't think I'll be coming back this time.
I'm done with it all.
Done with this fucking nightmare.
Bye.

Bye. I'm going to go where I feel happy. Far away from people. In the arctic.
And there will be lots of polar bear friends awaiting me there.
I'm going to hang out with my polar bear buddies. 

Maybe I'll find some answer too while up there.
Maybe life won't be a confusing mess anymore.
But I doubt it.

I'm a polar bear :(

I just want this nightmare to stop

I'M A BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU'RE ALL STUUUUPID HUMANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some days I still feel really sad because so many friends went away. I still don't know why. Maybe I'm a crazy person. Nobody wants to be friends with a crazy person.

To me, not a lot of things in this world matter. Everything is just so god damn meaningless and superficial. Friends make life better, because it doesn't matter if everything is stupid and meaningless when you have friends around. Feeling isolated is difficult. Social isolation does weird stuff with someone. Some days it really hurts and I end up doing a lot of stupid shit to make that pain go away. Ranging from crazy blog posts to self-harm.

I'm glad I have new friends now, even if I only talk with them on the internet. They don't seem to care that I'm a crazy person. (Or a polar bear)

me and my buddies hanging out

Me when not sad

I'm heading to the Arctic in 3 days! Bye stupid people! I'm going to hang out with my polar bear buddies!!

I'm starting to look like a polar bear!

2 years on hormone replacement therapy, yay.

I am grumpy

Footage of me having fun in the arctic