Saturday, March 28, 2020

From now on, this blog is just selfies. Because I dont want to be embarrased about who I am anymore.

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Real friends arn't just friends during the good times. 3 years ago I lost many friends. I started my transition, had lost my job, was spiraling into severe depression. When I needed friends and support the most, they were gone. I spent years without being around friends, unemployed, alone. My current friends never blame me for my emotional breakdowns, they don't block and ignore me. Those are real friends. I don't care about my former friends anymore. They never were friends to begin with. They never respected me for who I am, what I was dealing with.. instead made me feel guilty about my struggles, the breakdowns, without ever showing any understanding or empathy. They turned me into a stereotype, a clingy stalker, simply because I had nobody else to turn to at my darkest moments. They blocked and ignored me when all I wanted was someone to talk to when I was falling apart. When I needed friends. It says more about them then me, they were never real friends, just a bunch of assholes that are nothing more but a footnote in my life. Funny thing is that if it hadnt been for the social isolation, I wouldnt be working at Microsoft now, so despite the pain it all caused me, it just made my life better, thanks you bunch of assholes.

Wednesday, March 4, 2020

In a few days, I will be starting my new life.
A different country, far away from this one.
I regret not having been able to mend broken friendships, tell them goodbye.
It is hard letting go of friendships that once meant so much to me.
Even a polar bear needs friends.
A life alone is a life without joy.
Even the arctic couldnt fix that, as awesome as it was.
I have seen so much of the world, hiked incredible landscapes, but in the end it was just an attempt to run away from the social isolation I experienced.

My new life will be better.
Maybe this time around, I will even be able to be myself. I will be Essbee the polar bear.

I'm not looking back anymore.

A life lived in the past is a life wasted.